After the kids had some semi-unsupervised play today I noticed a suspiciously bite-like mark on Nate's arm. Nate hadn't cried, and he's been grabbing everything he can reach and put into his mouth; I thought it was possibly self-inflicted. But Lula was the more likely culprit. I asked Lula. "Is this a bite mark? Did you bite Nate's arm?"
"No. But if I scratched him or poked him by accident, and it left a mark, that would be OK, right?"
Um. Right...?
In other news, Tallulah decided a couple of days ago (Monday, to be exact, while at day care) that she no longer wants to wear diapers. So we've been diaper-free, except for sleep time, since then! There have only been a couple of minor accidents thus far. I'm genuinely proud. Sad, huh? The only thing is we're about to take a road trip up to New Hampshire, since my grandmother died, and it's her memorial service this weekend. So I had to buy a portable mini-potty -- basically a ring, with folding feet, that supports a plastic bag into which a child can pee and poop. Lovely! And then you save the bag for ever and ever. "Remember that time in Vermont when we couldn't find a rest stop?" we'll say, years later. "The smell of this bag of poop really takes me back."
UPDATE: a couple hours after I posted this, I WATCHED Lula lean over and bite Nate (somewhat gently) on the cheek. He started whimpering a little. I yelled out for Lula to stop ("HEY!"), and she did; I said, "Did you just bite your brother on the cheek?" and she said, flat out, "No." I told her I had just! seen her! biting him! And I had told her not to, before! How do you teach a kid to tell the truth? Or to listen to you? I mean, I know you use punishments and rewards and you follow through and all that -- it's not a complete free-for-all over here. But still. This parenting thing is hard work.
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2 comments:
I should share with you the many videotaped incidents of sibling (I was just trying to help him; I was kissing him; I thought he needed washing) abuse I have. One of my favorite contains the pure delight on my oldest's face as he careens wildly in a rocking chair, singing: "Shoot the baby down! Shoot the baby down!" as his 6 month old little brother struggles to sit upright on a blanket. The little one is up for a moment, and then thunks headfirst sideways onto his cheek. There is a pause, a short one, before my oldest yells triumphantly: "I shot the baby down! I shot the baby down!"
Plus I have countless movies of the oldest about to remove the baby's eyes with a spoon or push his head in the toilet and you hear me saying, "HEY!" and the screen goes blank. And they actually like each now, quite a lot.
If that helps.
It really helped me to learn some developmental expectations/milestones so that my expectations were more in line with what my kids were capable of. If you saw her do it, why are you asking her? Just explain to her that will hurt the baby and that you will stay close so you can help her if she feels the urge again. She can't stop herself, no impulse control yet. Hell, I want to nibble on their fat little cheekies!! Cognitively we know she doesn't yet have the ability to understand that it hurts him b/c it doesn't hurt her.....that is how her mind works. She isn't meaning to lie...you teach them not to lie by not lying....it really is that simple.
Your doing great, they will adore each other!!
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